A Wise Woman Pursues Peace
The car was completely totaled. I was still shaking, thankful that I had not been hurt. I replayed in my mind what had happened to double check I hadn’t done anything wrong. I had slowed down in plenty of time to turn. My turn signal was on. I was about to make the turn when the SUV behind me slammed into my car, smushing it like an accordion and shattering glass from the back windshield everywhere. I had done everything right, yet my car was destroyed. I was angry, hurt, and shaken up. It wasn’t fair.
Relationships can be like this too. You are cruising along doing everything right and out of nowhere, you are crushed. You overhear a friend say something disparaging about you. A co-worker starts making your life difficult on purpose. A family member who you get along with starts picking a fight. How can you deal with conflict when you are the innocent party?
The wise woman in 2 Samuel 20: 14-22 was the innocent party in an unexpected attack. Although she is unnamed and only appears in this passage, she is a biblical woman of influence because she handled the conflict with peace and wisdom.
Being attacked
In 2 Samuel 20, David is king. Joab is the commander of David’s army. Sheba had been stirring up a rebellion. Joab and his army were trying to find Sheba so they could kill him. They found out Sheba had hidden himself inside the walled city of Abel. With the focus of a four-star general, Joab rushed to Abel, built a siege ramp, and started battering the wall.
A wise woman pursues peace
When an unnamed wise woman living inside the city of Abel heard the walls being battered, she didn’t huddle in fear inside her home. She didn’t stand around talking with her neighbors playing a guessing game about what was going on. She went straight to the wall and called out to Joab to come and talk to her. This woman made sure Joab was listening and then asked him a question.
A wise woman finds out why
The wise woman asked Joab the same question a mom asks her kid when she is drawing on the wall or cutting Barbie’s hair. She said, “Why? Why are you destroying this peaceful city? Peace is what we are known for. Why are you attacking us?”
Joab answered. He wasn’t trying to destroy the city; all he wanted was Sheba! If the city would give him Sheba, he would stop attacking the city.
A wise woman acts quickly
Once the woman found out that Joab wanted was Sheba, she gathered the people and filled them in. It didn’t take long for Sheba’s head to be thrown over the wall to Joab. Now that Sheba’s rebellion was ended, Joab signaled with the trumpet for his men to withdraw and the wise woman’s city was left in peace again.
How you can pursue peace like a wise woman
If you are going through a relationship conflict that you don’t understand and seems to have come out of nowhere, you can learn godly conflict resolution from the wise woman of Abel.
A wise woman initiates conflict resolution. Even though she hadn’t done anything wrong, the wise woman took initiative to resolve the conflict. She didn’t wait around. She went to him.
When you perceive someone has a problem with you, go to that person. Don’t sit and stew about it. Don’t go to others about the problem. Go directly to that person.
This is the same first step to confronting a sinner in the church (Matthew 18).
A wise woman finds out why. To her, it looked completely unreasonable for Joab to be attacking her peaceful city. After she shared her side of the story, she listened to his why. Once she listened to Joab’s perspective, the attack made sense.
When you go to the person to ask about the problem, listen to their why. See the problem from their point of view. Both of your point of views are vital to understanding the problem as a whole.
A wise woman takes immediate action. Once she found out Joab wanted Sheba’s head, she gathered the people right away. She didn’t wait until later. She didn’t leave it up to others to fix it while she held onto her innocence in the situation. Instead, she did everything in her power and influence to fix the problem. Immediately.
Your conflict will not be solved by decapitation, but if there is something you can do immediately, do it. It may be as simple as an apology. It may be more complicated than that. Whatever it is, do it quickly. Be hungry for pursuing peace.
Pursuing Peace Doesn’t Always Work
These conflict resolution tips do not work for every conflict. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to fix it even if you follow biblical conflict resolution guidelines. That is why Romans 12:18 says, “if possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people.” Sometimes it’s just not possible. Maybe the other person is not willing to talk to you or listen to your side of the conflict. Perhaps you cannot do anything to satisfy what the other person wants.
Of course, you cannot use this verse as an excuse either. If there is something you can do, do it. Be a wise woman who pursues peace. Take initiative. Find out the why. If there is something you can do, do it immediately.
- The Nerd and the Free Spirit: Surviving Christian Marriage Money Fights - February 11, 2019
- A Wise Woman Pursues Peace - May 15, 2018
Yes it takes two sides to reconcile but your advice is sound, we need to do what we have been called to do & then trust God for the outcome! Glad you weren’t hurt in the accident!
You’re most welcome to drop by for a cup of inspiration,
Jennifer
Wow, that is interesting. And I am about pursuing peace.
Visiting from #TeaAndTheWord
Thank you so much for writing this! I think it is something that so many people could benefit from. I really love that you added that peace is not always possible with some people, but that you can still live at peace. Love it ❤️
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Yes, I’ve always liked that about the verse in Romans. Peace with someone is not always up to us.
With this world throwing at us a Real Housewives mentality, your post is a breath of fresh air.
Thanks so much, Erin!
Great insight, Rachel! Love taking biblical truths and adding practical application.
Yes, Kelly, me, too. Especially in these narrative passages of Scripture where you have to dig deep and think hard to find the practical application. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I love this story. Sometimes a person with some common sense and a little wherewithal can solve problems that everyone else just wrongs their hands over.
You’ve got it! Taking initiative and taking action!
I had never thought of this as a Biblical Woman of Influence but how cool! You are right on that she didn’t make assumptions, she gets to the hearts of the issue and acts! I can learn so much from her!
Yes, me, too. I tend to just try to let things go for the sake of peace, but this take charge approach gets to peace much more directly.
I didn’t recall this story or even the wise, peaceful woman! What great lessons she can teach us though!
I didn’t remember her either. What a treasure she is! I picture her as one of those take charge grandmas.
This was a great post and a reminder that we as women can be strong, wise and make a difference. Thank you for the pertinent post.
I’m glad you brought up strength. That’s a good point. Wisdom with strength. Thanks for reading and commenting!
A great reminder that we as women are capable of being strong, taking the initiative and making a difference. Thanks for this pertinent posts. – Amy
Excellent post, Rachel! Many women struggle with being direct AND respectful. I’ve struggled with that most of my life. Thank you for pulling out this not-well-known example from the Bible of a wise woman who had the courage to be direct. Blessings to you!
Direct and respectful. Good point. I think there are other Bible characters that display that as well. Paul. Daniel. Moses. Jesus.
Loved this Rachel! Confrontation is difficult for many people, but it’s possible when you do it God’s way.
I know I’m not a big fan of confrontation. It’s tough! Thanks for commenting.