Godly Marriage Series: Leading Your Husband To Christ Without Saying A Word

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Do you feel stuck in a marriage that is unequally yoked? Then I’ve got news for you girlfriend. YOU can turn that around. Yes, that’s right YOU! Leading your husband to Christ without saying a word, is the catalyst for turning around an equally yoked marriage to a godly marriage!

Well, with God’s help, of course. Because God is the only one who can change a man’s heart.

My Story

When I met my husband eighteen years ago, our very first conversation went like this:

Me: What do you stand for?

Andre: What do you mean?

Me: What do you represent? Are you a Christian, what kind of values do you have, what’s important to you?

Andre: I’m not a Christian, but I’m spiritual.

Me: What’s that supposed to mean? I mean seriously, I’ve already done this before and the relationship did not end well. If you’re not a Christian, we can’t date. I don’t want to be unequally yoked. I’m not saying you’re going to be my husband, I’m just saying I don’t want to waste my time.

Andre: What does that mean? I’ve dated other Christian women and their Bible didn’t say that.

Me: Um, yes it did. They just didn’t follow it.

Long story short, Andre was just coming out of the Muslim faith. He explained to me that from what he saw and knew, it wasn’t the truth. However, he was searching for the truth.

It was that answer that peaked my interest because I knew that if his heart was searching for God, in time he would find God for himself.

Since we are married, you would be correct in assuming that I won him over. But the real question is how?

Leading Your Husband To Christ

Before meeting Andre, I was previously married at a young age, in an unequally yoked relationship. At the time, his heart was not willing to surrender to God. As a result, we were divorced when our son was two years old. That divorce led me to seeking a relationship with God for healing from a broken heart, failure of a marriage, and now needing God’s help as a single mother.

For 5 years, I studied 1 Peter 3, Proverbs 31 and read the book The Proverbs 31 Woman A Study Aid, by ER Reid. However, it was 1 Peter 3 that really struck a nerve with how I would handle any relationships going forward.

When I met Andre, I found myself in another unequally yoke relationship. But this relationship was different. And I was a different person.

I’m not saying I was perfect. In fact, that’s another blog for another time. But what I am saying is that, I was able to walk out 1 Peter 3 that had a life changing effect on Andre.

God’s Expectation

I knew the only way to avoid the mistake I made in my first marriage; I was going to have to learn how to wait on God’s best, and learn to be an example of what I believe. As a woman of God, I found that answer in 1 Peter 3.

“In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,²When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. “ ~ 1 Peter 3: 1-2 (AMPC)

Ok let’s take this from the top. If you’re already turned off by the word submissive, then I encourage you to check out this post: What’s the difference between a submissive woman and a submissive wife? However, if you really desire to help lead your husband to Christ, then I encourage you to follow me for a moment.

Verse 1 tells us to be submissive to our husband, even if they do not obey the word of God. Now a lot of people believe this verse pertains to women who have married unsaved men. However, that is not what this verse says.

The scripture says, even if ANY do not obey the word of God. That means you can very well have a lukewarm husband who isn’t walking in his authority as a godly husband. So this verse applies to any husband who isn’t obeying God’s word.

Following me so far? Ok so wives if your husband is not obeying the Word of God (saved or unsaved) this is what God expects you to do….

First, and foremost, submit to your husband. Secondly, He expects you to win them over by your godly life not your discussions.

Hear me out ladies, nagging at 2am does not work!

Going off because he took you there, does not win him over!

Faithfully attending church, but coming home acting unbecomingly, does not win him over!

If you want your husband to draw near to Christ, and take his rightful place in your marriage, you are going to have to quick talking and start living a godly life.

The Reward

Are you thinking: that’s not fair, why do I have to be the bigger person? What’s in it for me?

Well, how about leading your husband over to Christ! The last part of verse 1 says, that our men will be won over not by our discussion; but our godly lives when we do verse 2 which says:

1 Peter 3:2 (AMPC) says; When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

Key word here ladies, modest way in which you conduct yourselves. Let’s be honest, how modest are we when our husband aren’t doing what we want them to do? But notice further down in the verse two our reverence to our husband includes: respect, honor, to appreciate, adore, and deeply love! We are too deeply love them even while we are waiting on them to come to Christ. As it is, that honor and regard alone that will win them over.

This is how I won my husband over before we even said I do! I chose not to look down upon because he didn’t know what I knew in the Word. I chose to live a life as best as I could that reflected what I believed. And that meant many of our dates were discussions about the Bible and the Quran (Koran). (That was interesting.)

In fact, during our premarital counseling, I remember the Pastor asking Andre why he wanted to receive Christ. Andre said “because I’ve dated other women who claimed they were Christians, but I have only witnessed Timberley say she was Christian and live like it. And I want that kind of relationship with God.”

Closing Prayer

I don’t know your story, or the details of your relationship. But I do know our God is no respecter of persons. If God can; turn a devoted Muslim around, to be completely sold out for God, and a faithful husband who loves his wife, the way Christ loves the church; I know God can do for your marriage!

Marriage is hard, whether it’s a godly marriage or not, but in either case, God’s word tells us that if we lack wisdom to simply come to him and ask for help. So if you’re struggling with walking out a godly life before your husband who is not obeying the word of God I want to leave you with this prayer.

“If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.”
~ James 1:5 (AMPC)

Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus. Father you know that I love (insert husband’s name). And I desire to have our marriage reflect Christ and the church. I repent for not living a godly life before my husband and I ask Father God that you would forgive me and help me live with a meek and quiet spirit.

Help me, Lord, to withhold my tongue from speech that is unpleasing to you or my husband. Help me to live a life that brings you honor and in return reflects a godly life with my husband. Father, I thank you in advance for the harvest. That my husband will be a man of God, who loves me like Christ loves the church.

In the times where I feel weak, I ask that you would strengthen me and help me to operate in the spirit and not give into my flesh. Give me a spirit of wisdom so that everything I say and do will be pleasing to you. I call these things as though they are. In Jesus Name. Amen

May God bless you my sisters!

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Timberley Gray

Timberley and her husband, André, do life together as a husband and wife team who, raise a family, serve as bi-vocational Pastors, and help others find the balance in life through their blog Living Our Priorities. Like many people, they found themselves frustrated trying to find balance with their; faith, family and work. That’s when they discovered the priorities of God. And once they purposed to live by them, it not only changed their marriage, it changed their life! Now they find great joy inspiring others to live within the priorities of God.