Why I’d Marry My Opposite Again

Are you married to your total opposite? That’s the story of the past 18 years in my marriage.

The world knows that opposites attract, and that theme is often woven into funny or cute story lines for TV shows, books and movies. I remember dancing happily to Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” song in junior high and I delighted at watching her interact onscreen with an animated rascal. Their topsy-turvy romance made me giggle.

The truth that opposites attract can be entertaining to view at a distance. But if you’re living it in your marriage, it’s not always adorable or fun. However, my husband’s opposite traits have helped change me for the better in many ways, and that’s why I still say “I do” to my opposite.

Why Opposites Attract

This probably goes without saying, but it’s a good reminder if you feel stuck in your marriage of opposites:

We are attracted to the opposites in our spouse because they make us feel stronger.

When I first met my husband, I was instantly attracted to his physical strength. The more I got to know him, the more I noticed his strength of personality as well. Since I had always struggled with feeling weak and passive, his strength was magnetic to me. It made me feel more complete.

Our friends noticed our differences too. Many of them said, “You complement each other well.” They said we brought out the best in one another. This has held true over the years, though it’s easy for me to forget when we are at odds.

God made husbands and wives to complement each other. Our differences should bind us together in harmony rather than tearing us apart. When we choose to see our spouse’s opposite traits as strengths that complement us, we can be encouraged in our marriages.

I encourage you to make a list of the original traits that attracted you to your spouse. Did they make you feel more complete when you were dating? Did they bring you strength and encouragement in the beginning? You can gain a fresh respect for your spouse if you study the original reasons that attracted you.

When Opposites Go Wrong

Opposite traits can balance each other, but they can also polarize spouses as time passes.

For example, my husband and I have very different conflict styles. His style is fire, and mine is ice. This put us at different ends of the spectrum for many years.

Over time, I learned that his conflict style is not “bad” just because it is different from mine, and he had to learn the same from me. He needed some ice to cool down his temper, in the form of counting to ten or stepping outside when he’s ready to explode. I needed a spark of fire when confronting him or others to stand up for myself and not feel guilty about being assertive. We needed to see the value of each other’s approaches rather than labeling them as “wrong.”

When your spouse’s opposite looks wrong to you, use it as a mirror on yourself.

If an opposite trait in your spouse is driving you crazy, ask God to help you see the value in it. Then ask him how you can use that opposite trait to see flaws in yourself. The fact that your husband leaves his socks lying around your neat spaces may help you grow in patience and selflessness, which is the good that comes out of an opposite situation.

How Your Spouse’s Opposite Traits Improve Your Marriage

My husband’s opposite sides have literally shaped my personality for the better as the years have passed in our marriage.  These are a few ways that his opposite traits have rubbed rough edges off of my personality.

Your spouse’s opposite traits challenge you to grow.

I enjoy growing my own seedlings indoors. It’s important that they get enough water and light to sprout. As they grow, it’s equally important that I gently brush my hand over them every day to strengthen their stems and root systems before they are transplanted in the garden.

Your marriage needs the water and light of love, sex, communication and shared experiences to be healthy. But it also needs the “brushing” from your spouse’s opposite traits for you to grow stronger in faith and character. If it wasn’t for your spouse’s opposite traits, you may not be as kind, generous, or caring, in your marriage or in other areas.

Start thanking God specifically for your spouse’s opposite traits and how they make you grow. As you pray, you’ll see ways that your spouse’s opposite traits really do help you become a better human being.

Your spouse’s opposite traits can increase your integrity.

Integrity is acting with honor and righteousness, even when no one else sees it. Isn’t marriage the best place to display integrity, since most of the world never sees how you two interact behind closed doors?

You can increase your integrity level by showing honor to your spouse’s opposite traits. For example, my husband knows that I am very introverted. After three hours at a party, I’m ready to go no matter how much I’m enjoying myself. Even though he could easily stay for five more hours, he often leaves with me out of respect for my opposite needs.

No one else knows how many times he has sacrificed for my opposite needs, nor I for him. God knows, and we know. That’s what matters–we are acting with integrity toward one another even when we operate from different ends of the spectrum. You can do the same in your marriage, honoring God and your spouse at the same time.

Your spouse’s opposite traits humble you.

Humility is becoming a rare virtue in our self-obsessed culture. Yet in Philippians, we read that Jesus, the King of kings, humbled himself. We are called to follow his example, especially in our marriages.

The fact that your spouse is opposite from you means there are times when you simply won’t get what you want. I would often rather stay home and read than go hang out with a noisy crowd of people. But I humble myself, setting my desires on a shelf for a few hours, to make my extroverted husband feel loved. He does the same for me when he walks through an art museum without complaining, though he’d feel much more comfortable at Bass Pro Shops.

God notices my acts of humility and shapes me to be more like Christ through them. How is God using your spouse’s opposite traits to help you be more humble?

Your spouse’s opposite traits expose you to new opportunities.

If I wasn’t married to my husband, I would mostly hang around church people. His social networks expose me to friendships and connections I’d never otherwise know and probably would not reach out for on my own. This stretches me outside my comfort zone, which is healthy and good.

On vacation, I’m ready to relax, read and take naps. But he seeks adventure. Because of his influence, I have tasted new cuisines, tried different activities and visited big venues I would have skipped. I haven’t regretted taking those opportunities, even though I would have never chosen them myself.

We all need to see things beyond what our own two eyes can see. Our spouse’s opposite traits can expose us to new worlds and make us more compassionate and interesting people.

I challenge you to look at one of your spouse’s opposite traits as a gift from God. Use this gift to grow in faith and love. You’ll soon see it as a benefit made especially for you.

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Sarah Geringer

Sarah Geringer writes about Finding Peace in God’s Word at sarahgeringer.com and is the author of three books. She is currently writing a blog series titled How to Love Your Spouse in a Difficult Marriage. She has also prepared a special resource package for you in her library, titled Hope for the Spiritually Mismatched Marriage. Sarah lives in her beloved home state of Missouri with her husband and three children, right in the heart of prime viewing for the Great Eclipses of 2017 and 2024.

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Latest posts by Sarah Geringer (see all)

• Why I’d Marry My Opposite Again - February 6, 2019
• How to Find Hope If You Can’t Forgive Yourself - May 23, 2018
• Hope for the Spiritually Mismatched Marriage - February 11, 2018