How to Fight the Real Enemy in a Biblical Marriage
Have you ever had one of those days? The fighting kind of day… You know the day; there is no yelling or punching, just one of those established understanding where I know I’m right and he thinks he’s right and so we stopped talking. Can you relate?
I want to say we agreed to disagree but that would be a lie. And so we fought in that ancient dance of married couples – with a silent treatment. Who wins these fights? Where do they even come from?
Sometimes it seems like everything is fine, then suddenly we are knee deep in a disagreement that is escalating faster than I can understand.
After years of living in that cycle I felt our marriage was beyond the point of repair. But God… God stepped in to begin teaching me the difference between a Cultural Marriage and a Biblical Marriage.
The Culture we live in would rather throw away what is broken than try to fix it and salvage the beauty of what it could be.
God’s way of doing Marriage – from a Biblical Worldview is filled with Hope and joy and true contentment. The First thing God began to teach me was that there is a very real enemy fighting continually to destroy my Biblical Marriage.
I was fighting the wrong enemy.
Now don’t get me wrong, my husband was not perfect. He had messed up a lot and we were living in the consequences of some of those choices. And every time we fought I was sure he was my enemy. He was thoughtless and selfish and needed to step up and lead… and on it went in my mind.
Fighting doesn’t change our situation, but it seems like the natural response to our differences. I learned I have to stop fighting my husband and start fighting the real enemy of my life – in prayer – to see real changes. Now I am not the type to see a devil under every rock… but I had gone the other way – completely ignoring his existence and influence in my life.
Ephesians 6:12 NASB 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Do you see that. Clear in black and white and red… when we see a fight in front of us – in our husband – we need a perspective shift. Spiritual eyes if you will, to see the real enemy attacking us. Sometimes It’s good to give your enemy a name.
Speak it out right now… who is your real enemy?
- The Rulers
- Powers
- The World Forces of this Darkness
- Spiritual Forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Honestly, I can’t tell you what those demons look like. I imagine them hairy, wrinkly, ghastly noses, with talons and fangs bared while they stalk us and take notes of our weaknesses.
The enemy is taking notes – preparing a battle strategy.
Can we stop fighting our husband and begin fighting the real enemy? What would change in your life if you committed to do this today?
How do we fight back against the real enemy -when we can’t see them?
We can put on some spiritual armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). Do you have your armor on?
- The Belt of Truth
- Breastplate of righteousness
- Sandels of peace
- Shield of faith
- Helmet of salvation
- Sward of the Spirit
- Praying at all times…
Now I know you’ve all heard there are 6 pieces of armor but I want you to notice how Paul finishes the text here:
18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,
In her study The Armor of God, Priscilla Shirer points out that Prayer is the 7th piece of armor that literally holds everything else together. I never saw it that way, but when I began to practice it things began changing in our Marriage!
I began by asking God to open my spiritual eyes to see and remember where the real battle is.
Then I began praying scripture over our Marriage, my husband, myself. Praying Scripture is a Powerful Weapon to wield against that real enemy.
Victory is possible in our Marriage – if we begin to fight the real enemy!
I wish I could just sit across the table from you sweet sister. We could talk about all of things that are wrong – all of the things that we wish were different. I would hug your neck and tell you there really is a way to change the direction of your Marriage. It is not hopeless.
Will be easy? No, it never is – but then I have found that the best things in life – the things that are worth the most -they really do require than most of us to make them worthwhile again. If you’re up for it, I would love to talk brass tacks about how to get back to hope and joy in your marriage.
Are you longing for Hope and Joy in your Marriage?
God took me through a journey of re-learning how to live as a wife with a Biblical Worldview. It is a joy for me to teach and mentor locally and I am thrilled to launch this new Online Course – for Wives only.
In this 9 week Course we will dig into the Bible and find out how to restore our Marriage – rebuilding it to Last a lifetime!
This Marriage Course will include:
- 10 Self paced video lessons
- Love
- Forgiveness
- Desires Vs. Preferences
- My Mouth
- Appreciation & Admiration
- The Leader
- Understanding Men
- Respect
- My Priorities
- 9 weeks of personal study
- 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
- 45 Days of Prayer prompts
I am excited to giveaway 1 spot in the course! Enter Below.
In HIM,
Tiffany
Link for the Giveaway is here:
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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This was an excellent post. I definitely believe that when we start fighting the real enemy (in addition to remembering our own imperfections when we are prone to looking just at our spouses), marriage can drastically improve.
love that addition. There are certainly a lot of my own imperfections!
I liked this post very much, very well written Tiffany! Although I’m not yet married, I often find myself being led to writings by married women. I think taking notes early is better than not taking notes at all. Thanks for sharing this post!
Love your heart to be pro-active!
Cultural vs. Biblical marriage, I love that! Our spouse is NOT the enemy! Great stuff.
So glad it blessed you!
Hey Tiffany!
This is a post that’s hard to hear for many wives and husbands. It’s so tempting to blame the one we see in front of us instead of pointing our anger and focus on the one behind the scenes trying to orchestrate chaos in our families. Thanks for bringin the truth!
That is so true. So glad it blessed you Brandi!
SO true! It takes real work not to fall into the world’s view of if marriage isn’t making you happy get out. Changing our mindset to view the real enemy is key! Thanks for sharing!
so much truth
I did the armor of god study last year. It changed my outlook on so many things! Thanks for sharing and I hope your course goes well!
Yes! That study rocked my world!
Thanks for the wisdom. I struggle with praying first before responding in anger.
It is absolutly a learned habit! But possible and so worth the time
It is a habit that is hard to learn but worth the effort!
Yes! Praying the word changed my marriage, too. It is a mighty weapon people aren’t using!
So true… they aren’t using it because we have lost the art of it. Let’s start a movement 😉
Wow, this post is a great reminder that the number 1 way I can fight for my marriage is through prayer! Thanks for your powerful words shared in this post!
Yes… and I need that reminder again and again!
I love this post. Sometimes it’s so easy to focus our frustration in the wrong place. On days I find myself feeling that way, I’m going to remember this article and heed these tips. Thank you for sharing, friend.
So glad it blessed you!
Great spiritual lesson! Every couple needs to know this. Even though we we’re Pastors it took us awhile to understand this. We both had to get out of the flesh and start fighting the true enemy.
I have a special place in my heart for pastors and their marriages. Praying over yours now!
A friend said to me once that she doesn’t just want to have a good marriage, she wants a great marriage. That really stuck out to me and made me wonder if we settle for just good enough. Just barely getting by. I know God wants more for us and that’s what I want too.
Thanks for reminding us that we can be more together.
That is a wonderful perspective. A Great marriage… a goal indeed!
So true!! This is such a great reminder. My husband and I don’t have very terrible arguments, but when we do argue there have been times when both of us, in the middle of the argument, realized that we were being played by the enemy. We were playing right into the lie. And that realization would stop the argument in it’s tracks. It doesn’t happen everytime, unfortunately. But the most we’re aware of that, the more of a possibility that we can snap out of it and work together instead of against each other.
Thanks again for the reminder and for the giveaway!
I love that you are aware of it… and that is so true. When we see it for what it is – an attack of the enemy – we can step away from it!!!!!