Discipleship: 4 Ways that it Changed Me and Made My Marriage Better

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Hello Experience His Freedom Readers!

I’m thrilled to be here with you today as part of this month’s focus on marriage.

My name is Tiffany and I write over at Finish with Joy, where I share homemaking, homeschool & organization tips as well as encouragement for women & educators.

But enough about me….let’s dive right into today’s topic, shall we?

Godly marriages are supposed to be bulletproof right?

Oftentimes, we believe that others can’t relate to the problems we face in our marriages. Well, 18 months ago, I was really struggling in my own marriage. Relating to my husband was often strained, and there were days that I didn’t feel or act very loving.

I felt as if I was losing the fight against hopelessness and the lie that our situation couldn’t get any better. I had been there before….camped out at the place called defeat.

And I was emotionally tired.

Although in my head I knew that a breakthrough was possible, my feelings were stronger than that truth. In the midst of that struggle, my husband, Kendrix extended a simple invitation to me: Let me disciple you he said.

Say what!?!!?

You want me to consent to that? (Insert head shaking here)…umm no!

You see “discipleship occurs when someone answers the call to learn from Jesus and others how to live his or her life as though Jesus were living it.” (Bill Hull, Conversion & Discipleship).

In essence, it means being willing to have the hard conversations and allowing others to hold you accountable to the Word for what you do and say.

At one point, I told him: ” Just leave me alone. I don’t want your help.”

What I was really saying was:

I didn’t want to be held accountable, especially since I didn’t even think I was the problem!

I’m so thankful that my husband is a man of prayer & patience!

Because by God’s grace, I eventually recanted my “leave-me-alone” statement and sincerely asked him to help me grow up spiritually. We have had several teary, challenging conversations since then — but it has been worth it!

Through the discipleship journey, I obtained the breakthrough I longed for. Such precious fruit has come through this difficult but necessary process of dying to self.

Here are 4 ways discipleship has been transformational in my life, therefore bringing about change in my marriage:

Forgiveness

Discipleship forged a pathway for true forgiveness.

For the first time, I saw MY SINS and how my husband had been so longsuffering towards me.

For too long, I was focused on how I had been wronged & judging my husband.

I was blinded by my own iniquity!

I remember crying a deep, ugly cry as the Holy Spirit began to peel back the layers of bitterness and I could see my husband’s tenderness towards me.

Humility

In my brokenness, I was finally at a place where I wanted to hear what my husband had to say. Instead of just tolerating his guidance in the appearance of external submission; I began to seek out his counsel.

Freedom from fear

In my pride, I had spent many years trying (unsuccessfully, I might add) to “hide” the real me from Kendrix. It was a self-serving attempt to protect myself from emotional injury.

And therein lies the falsehood.

You see, I had concluded that he didn’t love the real me, and I was trying to be who I thought he wanted me to be in order to bring an end to the conflict.

It was in this place of being free from fear that I was willing to become more vulnerable with my husband.

Breakthrough in communication

Kendrix is an excellent communicator & listener, yet in spite of that, I remember initially feeling like a timid child…knowing that my words were welcomed, but internally struggling to let the words that were in my mind and heart flow from my lips.

How many of you know that it’s not always easy to speak up or break out of a habit or mindset when fear has taken root?

But thanks be to God Y’all!!

Thanks be to God who caused me to triumph through Christ Jesus, I see His story of redemption, and of beauty for ashes in my marriage!

And He wants you to see and experience those things in your marriage too!

Now maybe your thinking: Well, that’s great Tiffany, but my husband is not being the spiritual head of our family.

My husband is an unbeliever, or I’m a new Christian.

How can what you’ve shared help me?

I’m so glad you asked because I have 3 points of encouragement from my husband:

We should always remember that God is our just and Holy Father. He is always looking for a humble vessel to stand in the gap in prayer and service. That vessel can be a child, a national leader or a wife like you. The Lord stands ready to work through the prayers and obedience of the selfless to bring abundant life.
The conversation of our life is so powerful! Make every effort to show love in action and scripturally pray into your situation.
As a matter of perspective, we are called to not only suffer for Christ’s sake but to leap with joy when we do. It is necessary to decide that it is more important to be righteous than to be right. Our desire should not be to have our situation changed but rather for God to be glorified through the situation.

Ladies, something that I’m keeping at the forefront of my mind is that transformation only comes by obeying the Word.

There is so much to be gained in our marriages, so much redemption and hope that the Lord wants to offer to those around us.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” And I pray that you and I would be found running to lose our lives for the sake of the Gospel and our marriage.

Now, that I’ve said all that, it’s your turn to share.

In the comments, tell me which change you’d like to see more of in your own marriage: forgiveness, humility, freedom from fear, or breakthrough in communication.

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Tiffany Jefferson

Tiffany is a military & pastor's wife, homeschool mother of 9 and entrepreneur.

For over a decade, she's had the joy of being a mentor to mothers just like you.

She's passionate about teaching women how to honor their husbands & homeschool all while creating peaceful home environments.

Seeing the Christian family as a reflection of the Body of Christ, Kendrix & Tiffany are doing their part to strengthen families through discipleship.

She'd love to connect with you on social media!

You can find her on Facebook (Finish with Joy) and Instagram (@finishwithjoy)